In order for UNIX(tm) to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of 
its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become 
compatible with the existing standards of our day.  To this end, our 
technicians have come up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, 
for use by the PC - that is, the "Politically Correct."  


               Politically Correct UNIX
               System VI Release notes


 UTILITIES:


 "man" pages are now called "person" pages.


The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been 
replaced by the more neutral "gendre" command.  


The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the 
Reagan era.  System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" 
command.  


The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally 
unfriendly "LaTeX".  


To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting 
the male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say 
no.  To address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, 
along with a "-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if 
the "no" is ignored.  


The "touch" command has been removed from the standard 
distribution due to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.  


 SHELL COMMANDS:


The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to 
give themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to 
be "nice". In System VI, the "sue" command is used by 
unprivileged users to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by 
privileged ones.  


To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command 
has been renamed "euthanise."  


"quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and 
will be strictly enforced.  


 The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."


 TERMINOLOGY:


The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative.  Such 
processes will now be known as "spiritual guides."  


There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and 
"smart" terminals.  All terminals are equally valuable.  


>From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as 
"exploitive capitalist text".  


Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was 
white on black.  This implicitly condoned European colonialism, 
particularly with respect to  people of African descent.  UNIX 
System VI now uses "regressive video" to refer to white on black, 
while "progressive video" can be any color at all over a white 
background.  


For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of 
"root" and his "wheel" oligarchy.  We have instituted a dictatorship 
of the users. All system administration functions will be handled by 
the People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System 
(PC-DOS).  


No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be 
"owned" by users.  All files and processes will own themselves, 
and decided how (or whether) to respond to requests from users.  


The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 
Window System.  


And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively 
Challenged.